I find myself voicing the same question over and over these days, as if I'm expecting an answer.... What the hell is going on? I have theories, but most of the time they're unfounded or uneducated and based on a lack of life experience. So, I decided to do some research. One particular term I do keep coming across in my search for the answer to my conundrum is the 'Quarter-Life Crisis', a term that quantifies the mass changes from adolescence to adulthood and the complications that branch out from them. I think that in answer to my main rhetorical query is just this, I'm in the midst of the maelstrom of angst, frustration and uncertainty that can creep up on a young person quickly in they're mid twenties. I don't think it is very uncommon, I just don't hear much about it from people close to me, maybe that’s why I feel secluded.
Taking a look at the issue, it appears that most of the difficulties stem from insecurities, confusions, frustrations and an underdeveloped sense that most of the people around you are either doing better or are feeling better than you are. Relationships and emotional interactions can easily fall apart and become much more subtle. The closeness of interaction with like peers fades as we come out of high school and university, thus making it more difficult to renew, gain, and maintain relationships whether intimate or casual. This brings me to something that hits close to home, the Intimacy vs. Isolation crisis, a conflict described by Erik Erikson a German developmental psychologist. After finding one's self in young adulthood, establishing an identity and forming strong opinions about the world and one's self, we seek to form intense, usually romantic relationships with other people. The Catch-22 of this crisis is the state of the emerging young adults in the current economy. Increased demand for more specialized post-graduate training delays the process of forming these intimate relationships by adding more time to explore and find one's self. This can lead to dissolved relationships, financial troubles, but at the same time, much more focussed opinions on worldviews, work and love itself in general. Relationships are mostly doomed in this stage of a young life, at least in the current generations of young people. As the complexity of life increases and goals begin to differ, it becomes much more difficult to parallel a partner or even a fiancée in terms of an intimate connection. So much of the strain is based on the separation and freedom most young people in today’s youth require; travelling, meeting new people, exploring sexuality and the cliché of living life to its fullest. Most people can't do it with another person; they have to be alone and unrestricted.
The term 'Twixter' came up in my research as well. It is a term that describes me almost to my right eyebrow. I am a young adult who lives with my parents (basically meaning I'm not really independent, primarily financially). I am employed, and like other 'Twixters' it is often unsteady and low paying. I recently exited university, and entered my first career but not independently, a cultural shift in Western households. Historically, whenever a member of the nuclear family becomes an adult, he or she is expected to become independent, start a family, and buy a house. Well, not this guy. I didn't like my first career, and botched my first few attempts at solid career launches and independence. So, I guess unlike Twixters in general, I'm different, in that I have been independent, successfully, but it wasn't floating my boat. Finding a career that you can excel in and feel yourself in is an extremely difficult task for a lot of people, and I think its one of the main causes of the Quarter-life Phenomenon. The social structure of a university or high school classroom is far different from the confusion of office politics. There is usually a general feel and closeness you have with a class of peers and a teacher or professor. You are constantly evaluated and graded, whereas in a workplace it can take months for your employer to let you know he or she is completely unsatisfied with your performance. The lifestyle that surrounds a career can be completely unknown to a rookie, it is never taught or thoroughly discussed in school or training. Even the people you find yourself working with are most likely to be a far cry from the intellectual and personal creed of the people you found yourself around in school. All of these points add up to a hurricane of possible ways to ruin a job choice for a new comer. It seems especially difficult for students who have focussed and specialized in one or maybe two distinct areas of employment. If those jobs and lifestyles do not fit with the person, its a hard road to start over and to even realise its best to do so.... Again, the crisis is evident.
I also fall under the category of another term, the Boomerang Generation. A group of young folks like myself that find themselves returning home to cohabitate with they're parental units. This is largely based on economic benefits. The financial burden of independence is taken off of the young person and largely all monetary income is kept and used for personal use (hopefully used in good discretion). There seems to be a debate amongst certain groups that are for or against this idea. I'm on the fence. The up side is a renewed and constructive relationship with your parents. A new ability to argue valid points, change hands in household roles regularly and of course as I said before, less burden on the wallet. I've been fortunate enough to pay off my student loan and make considerable strides in planning for my new future as a student at Guelph University. The downside can be argued that it continues to delay the maturing and development of the young person (I do act 5 years old on much of the clock). Sometimes that freeness and unrestricted social life of college can be drastically changed upon return home. Dating also becomes constricted both in terms of the nature of the social structure in the home and the stigma that there is something wrong with you if you still live at home or "in your Mom's basement". Although, I think even worse than this situation is someone that doesn't live at home at all, and everything from transport to personal fitness training is paid for by the parental unit at a level inconsistent with the skills and job training the young person is undergoing.....
Anyway, I guess I helped to understand more than answer my relatively broad question. Most of the stuff I just discussed helped to solidify what I'm feeling and hopefully most of what others, like me, are feeling.
I guess the main thing that really bothers me the most these days are the stigmas and the delay on everything I felt I was supposed to be doing at this point in my life, a sense of longing, loneliness, frustration and confusion, thus the crisis. I do find myself, a 25 year old, living at home with Mommy and Daddy and the doggy and kitty cats. But, looking at the big picture, just to justify myself to those who have read this far, I think have a good plan, my goals are sound and immodestly, I'm pretty sure I have the smarts and devilish good looks to conquer what lays ahead. So, in conclusion, there is a hell of a lot going on, but it seems to be shared and known to a heck of a lot of others, not just me. Thank god, or whatever governs this tiny floating mass in the cosmos.
Mr. Leash
